Well as the yucky sickness has continued throughout December and the new year, this has drastically limited my ability to get to Sunday morning worship, sadly. But in God’s sovereignty, it just might be possible that He was storing up my emotions for the evening of 1/7/12 at Raise the Mark, an evening dedicated to worship and prayer for Watermark’s membership. This was my first moment of intimate worship while carrying my sweet-tart. The first song played was “From the Inside Out”. The chorus of this song repeats “consume me from the inside out Lord”. These lyrics, along with many other lines in this sweet worship song, were gently overwhelming my heart as I held a child inside of me. What a new meaning that song holds now as that night I tenderly asked my Lord to consume me, starting with my baby, from the inside out. This was the first moment I asked the Lord for my child to know Him as its savior someday. For this child to feel Christ’s love and sacrifice in a special way.
Tears flowed from my eyes as I realized that God was shaping me into a mother from the very beginning of this process, that he would mold me, break me, and love me through it. This evening I began to feel and experience unconditional love for the child growing inside of me, and realized God would be the only one to draw sweet-tart to Him, all I can do is pray, guide, direct, and live for Christ. It was a reminder to let go of my desire to control this area of my life and allow Him to consume my child, not me.
Do you feel like there are areas in your life where you struggle with control and giving God the freedom to consume it on your behalf? Praying Psalm 73:28 today “But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Sweet Father give us strength to submit to your sovereignty!
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